Life In The Slow Lane

And so you won’t miss it, Slic Network Solutions will be streaming Massena’s huge Labor Day parade live on the Internet Monday. In fact, the camera’s already rolling on Main Street. Maybe I’ll pop my head in there and say howdy.

Here’s the release from Slic. Tune in and watch:

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For Immediate Release
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Slic Network Solutions to stream Massena Labor Day Parade.

Potsdam, NY ­ August 26, 2008 –­ Slic Network Solutions, a local provider of business phone and broadband Internet services, will provide a live video/audio stream of the Massena Labor Day Parade.

Similar to the coverage of the Potsdam Summer Festival, Slic will provide a live stream of the Labor Day Parade using webcasting technology. The webcam will be in place later this week and will remain active until after the holiday at which time an archive video will be available.

Viewers from all over the world can watch the event by going to www.slic.com and clicking on the webcam in the upper left corner.

Businesses and organizations that wish to have their events streamed as a webcast should contact Jeff Yette, Sales Engineer at (315) 274-9050 ext. 2 or by e-mail: sales@slic.com.

I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come:

NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. (AP) — This presidential race was no contest: John McCain sped to the finish while Barack Obama was reluctant to leave the starting point. But there’s no guarantee giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches will predict the real result in November. The roach race Thursday was part of the New Jersey Pest Management Association’s annual clinic and trade show.

I’m not sure I can stand another three-plus months of election campaigns:

We’ve got the love affair with Obama…

Anyone else already tired of the presidential campaign?

I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t want either of the candidates in the White House.

John McCain, well, he’s too much of a Dumbya clone.

And Mr. Obama, well, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but he just doesn’t get me fired up the way a candidate should.

My vote this year, sadly, will once again be for Morris the Cat.

Remember Eliot? Former “Sheriff of Wall Street.” Former New York State governor. Former John.

Well, it seems Eliot not only did the nasty with a prostitute, he also did a nasty with his fund-raising money, according to the New York Daily News.

Spitzer spent campaign cash for hotels

His campaign committee, Spitzer2010, refunded $1.48 million in contributions and spent $1.4 million. He raised $263,877 between January and mid-March, when he resigned after being identified as a hooker ring’s Client 9.

Hehe, I like that. Fund-raising expenses at the Renaissance Mayflower Hotel.

Well, it wasn’t just funds that were raised - if ya catch my drift.

While the world mourns the loss of former Sen. Jesse Helms, it seems somebody else has left this earth with barely a notice.

Bozo the Clown.

No, not the one in the White House.

The man who was Bozo.

Larry Harmon, longtime Bozo the Clown, dead at 83

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Larry Harmon wasn’t the original Bozo the Clown, but he was the real one. Harmon, who portrayed the wing-haired clown for more than half a century, died Thursday of congestive heart failure, said his publicist, Jerry Digney. He was 83. As an entrepreneur, Harmon licensed the character to others, particularly dozens of television stations around the country. The stations in turn hired actors to be their local Bozos.

Like this one in Little Rock, Arkansas.

I remember watching Bozo in my younger days, I believe on WGN out of Chicago. Bozo and Romper Room and Bugs Bunny and Popeye and Secret Squirrel and Magilla the Gorilla and the Three Stooges.

Ah yes, those were the days.

Now we’ve got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or whatever the fad is these days.

Good cartoons, like other things in life, have gone bye-bye.

Most clowns are good.

Some aren’t so good.

Think Stephen King’s “It.”

Bozo, though, he was a good man and we’ll miss him.

Much more than the one in the White House.

I hate holidays.

When they fall during the week, somebody has to work to put a paper out for the following day.

So much for the 4th of July barbecue.

Actually, the boss gave me as senior reporter a choice - work the 4th of July on Friday or Labor Day in September

I chose neither

It didn’t fly.

So here are my choices. I can work the 4th of July and drive to Norwood for their big-time parade and festivities at the Firemen’s Field, snap a few pictures, talk to a few folks about oh what fun it is, head back to the office and write.

Or I can work on Labor Day and cover Massena’s granddaddy of Labor Day parades, featuring every member of labor you’d ever want to see - and plenty of politicians tagging along to show their support for organized labor and maybe campaign a little bit to keep their elected position. And since this is an election year, there’s sure to be tons of politicians already in office or wannabes who hope to be in office marching along the parade route. Hell, the governor even came one year.

And then when the parade’s over, all the labor dudes head down to Springs Park for the free beer and hot dogs and beer and hamburgers and beer - along with the politicians, who as a newspaper reporter, we have an obligation to interview to find out (1) why they’re running again, or (2) why they want to run in the first place. And we get to talk to all the organized labor bigwigs to find out why labor is so important. Well, they always say, without labor no work would get done.

And then we head back to the office and write the myriad of stories and then check in at the Knights of Columbus to see how Jerry’s Kids are faring during this year’s Massena telethon. And when all is said and done, we’ve written more in one day than we’d normally write in a week.

So let’s look at the big picture.

Independence Day. Parade. Fireworks. Fun events.

Labor Day. Parade. Politicians. Free food and beer.

Free beer at Springs Park or not, I’m choosing the lesser of two evils and working on Friday. Somebody else can have the politicians, thankyouvermuch.

I am, however getting a day off Thursday.

I just have to write my ass off today to get the day off.

Don’t you just love taking time off? You work endlessly to catch up on everything before you leave and you work endlessly when you get back to catch up on everything that’s landed on your desk while you were gone.

There’s no happy medium.

It almost makes it senseless to take time off.

But I’m doing it anyway. The cupboards are getting bare and need to be restocked. The hair’s getting a little shaggy and I need to visit Bob the Barber. The garden needs to be weeded. The house needs to be cleaned.

Maybe I should just call Thursday Labor Day.

Norwood-Norfolk voters spoke once again last night, telling the school board and district through their votes that they’d had enough of tax increases.

The first budget presented in May went down by 10 votes. Last night’s revised budget went down by 84 votes. It would have meant a 10 percent increase in spending and a 4.9 percent increase in the tax levy for district residents.

Somehow, I wonder if I - or rather, my newspaper - helped contribute to the defeat.

Last week we ran a story about the preparation for the budget revote, and the original story submitted by yours truly didn’t quite make it into the paper the way it had been written.

Here’s the original lead:

NORFOLK - With new contracts pending between the Norwood-Norfolk Central School District and two of its unions, the school board president said they’ve had to project the associated costs in their proposed spending plan.

Here’s what was published:

NORFOLK - As they prepare to send a revised spending plan for the 2008-09 school year to voters for the second time on Tuesday, the Norwood-Norfolk Central School District’s board of education is also quietly negotiating with the district’s superintendent on a $3,700 raise.

See any difference between the two?

Do you think voters were perhaps a little upset that, at least according to the paper, the superintendent was “quietly negotiating” a pay raise?

Even though that wasn’t the case.

Yup, that might have had something to do with it.

Or it may have been that taxpayers just can’t take it on the chin anymore, especially when the cost of driving back and forth to work has escalated with the $4.33 a gallon cost of gas. Told ya it would go up even when the price of crude oil went down.

Or maybe they can’t take it on the chin anymore because, along with the hefty - and almost daily - increase in gas prices, their grocery bill has also skyrocketed.

Because of the cost of gas.

And their utility bill has skyrocketed.

Because of the cost of gas.

And even the diapers they put on their baby’s bottom have jumped up in price.

Because of the cost of gas.

We need relief, and we have no say over town, village, county, state or federal taxes. We do, however, have a say over school taxes, and it appears voters are saying, “We’re not gonna take it anymore.”

Gov. David Paterson agrees. He wants to put the brakes on the whole process by proposing a 4 percent tax cap on school districts.

ALBANY, N.Y. - Gov. David Paterson, buoyed by a poll that shows three in four New Yorkers support his property tax cap proposal that’s getting no debate in Albany, tried to turn up the pressure on the Legislature Tuesday in the session’s waning days.

“Or are they just going to ignore that and play the typical Albany game … and do nothing and go home,” Suozzi added.

They probably will.

The all-powerful, all-mighty teacher’s union says it’s a bad plan because, let’s face it, 70 percent of a school’s budget goes toward salaries and benefits. Which, I guess, counts for education because it keeps teachers in the classroom.

Here’s the rest of the story.

The Assembly’s Democratic majority and the Senate’s Republican majority haven’t even introduced Paterson’s bill. Instead, the majorities have opposing tax-relief measures. That likely will keep Paterson’s tax cap from a floor debate.

“The governor is obviously attempting his very best to make his argument for his legislation and as advocates in a democratic system we’re doing our very best to raise our argument with lawmakers and citizens,” said NYSUT union President Richard C. Iannuzzi. “Obviously, there are times when we will respectfully disagree with the governor and this is one of them.”

Maybe this is one of those times when our elected state officials need to look out for the taxpayer instead of the unions that line their pockets at election time.

Bet they don’t have a problem paying their school taxes.

At least it would be for St. Lawrence County government employees who are campaigning for a four-day work week.

You can read about it and view the video here.

As I watched the news last night and heard about their plight, all I could think of was, “Boo friggin hoo.”

Gas prices are hurting us, they say.

Who aren’t they hurting?

We’re paying too much in utility costs to keep the buildings open five days a week.

What business isn’t? It’s one of those necessary evils of being a business, and that’s what St. Lawrence County is.

Even with a five-day work week, the lines are already long enough at the Department of Motor Vehicles.

So let’s close one of those days and see how long the lines really become.

Need some help with government assistance programs like food stamps?

Sorry, it’s Friday. We’re closed.

They say it’s an average of 45 miles a day per worker to get to and from work. Frankly, I don’t give a rat’s ass that you’re having a hard time making ends meet with gas costs. We all are and we suck it up because it’s a job.

Here’s a novel idea. Move closer to Canton.

I would hope that county officials will look long and hard at the ramifications this move would have on “customer service” instead of simply rolling over and saying, “Our workers can’t afford it anymore.”

It’s not about the workers.

It’s about the customers.

Those were the words for one of the many cadences we used to sing while we were marching or running in ye olde U.S. Army.

Now it’s more appropriate to recall them as I finish my vacation and head back to work.

Nuts.

Of course, after a miserable rainy weekend, the sun’s shining today and the birds are chirping and the temperature’s a refreshing 61 degrees - just as I head back to the office.

Not that the rain was a bad thing. I managed to finish my gardening yesterday. Laid down the seeds for the onions and radishes and green peppers and carrots and all that good stuff that costs an arm and a leg in the store these days. Because of Saturday’s rain, I was sloshing in mud that came halfway up my shoes and they’re still sitting in the garage caked over until I feel like scraping the crud off them.

But, when it comes to planting - at least from what I’ve read - moist ground is good. So was the rain that came down after I finished the planting. The seeds are cool and comfortably nestled in the ground and I can only hope there’s something growing after the birds get done pecking.

Yeah, those pesky birds. I’ve got a feeder that I filled to the brim yesterday with wild bird food. But I see few birds taking advantage of the free lunch. They must not be Democrats - motto: if it’s free, it’s for me.

No, instead, they choose to peck away at my garden and I’m thinking they’re picking up my carefully placed seedlings.

I may have to put scarecats out to guard the place.

Tabu would love it. Chomp, chomp, chomp. Nice little birdy in my mouth. Tastes so good.

Anyway, the week of vacation is over and I feel some sense of accomplishment. The body’s creaking, which meant I put it to good use, and the hands are all blistered up. I’m not sure if that’s because I did a lot of heavy manual labor or because my hands are just wimpy these days and start blistering at the thought of holding a hoe.

No, not that kind of hoe people. Get your minds out of the dirt.

The blisters remind me of basic training a couple of years ago - OK, maybe it was more like 31 years ago. Same difference.

But I digress.

It seems that anytime we wanted to eat, we had to cross a set of monkey bars that were carefully placed in front of the dining hall door. Oh, they were in other places too, but the dining hall is what I remember because, while we were in the process of building our upper body strength with those little exercises, our hands were also so blistered that we could barely pick up a knife and fork. Maybe that was the idea. Less food, less time in the mess hall, more time for the drill sergeants.

Yeah, it was all a plot.

And it worked.

Speaking of plots…

There were some decisions made last week regarding who the Democratic candidate will be for the 118th Assembly District that covers our area.

One of the people who put his hat in the ring is our eligible-for-retirement Police Chief Tim Currier.

Three days later the hat was kicked off his head.

Here’s the scoop. Timmy, being a police chief, hadn’t endorsed any one party in the past. In his position, in an effort to stay neutral, that’s not a bad idea.

But now that he’s retirement eligible and interested in a political career, he registered as a member of the Democratic party. That party affiliation, however, won’t kick in until after the next general election in November.

So, as it goes, Tim wanted to run for the Assembly seat as a Democrat. He was, after all, going to be an official Democrat later this year. But because he wasn’t “officially” a Democrat yet, the chairpersons of both the St. Lawrence and Jefferson County Democratic Parties had to offer their support.

That’s where it all fell apart. The Jefferson County chairman said, “Hell no, I’m not supporting him. I’ve got my own candidate.”

You can read about it here.

So, rather than let the Democratic party as a whole decide if they wanted Tim Currier or Jefferson County Legislator Addie Jenne Russell, the choice was taken away. Tim, they said, you’re out of here. Pull your name and throw your support behind Addie.

Three days after announcing he was making a run for office, Mr. Currier was out of the race in favor of a woman who I’d never heard of until this whole fiasco started.

Perhaps Massena Town Supervisor Gary Edwards said it best when Currier announced his intention to leave the race.

“I don’t know anything about this lady,” he said. “I’m sure she’ll do a fine job, but we need a voice up here.”

And wouldn’t it have been nice to let the Democratic voters decide instead of shoving a candidate down our throat?

And it’s not because I’m rabid or had one too many Eskimo Pies.

Right now I’m at work and I’ve just checked my e-mail and I’m beyond seriously pissed off about my rebate check that was due into my bank account today.

It ain’t there.

It won’t be there.

And we can thank the fucked up Internal Revenue Service which is part of our fucked up government which is sending out the fucking rebate checks in the first place because they’ve fucked up the economy so bad.

Think I’m pissed?

You ain’t seen nothing yet.

More on this story when I get home and have to chance to suck down a few Eskimo Pies and about two cases of LaBatts Blue.

I finally took the plunge and visited the new Wal-Mart Supercenter for the first time.

I wish I would have brought my GPS system because the store’s almost as big as Massena itself.

I was so accustomed to the old store - narrow aisles and all. This time around I had no idea where I was going. Everything seemed so hodgepodge.

It took a lot of walking around to find what I was looking for - cat food and cat litter and, of course, the jumbo bags of M&Ms. I should have bought all of the M&Ms - once I found them.

They were in the grocery section, of course, and in one of the last aisles I looked in, of course.

Hey, who pays attention to those silly signs above the aisles that read “Candy” anyway?

While I’m not real enamored with the store layout, I was fairly pleased with the grocery section.

I didn’t even know some of this stuff existed - like pop in the microwave sweet and sour chicken in the nice little bucket like you get from the Chinese restaurant.

Of course, it remains to be seen whether it takes like sweet and sour chicken or whether it tastes like cardboard.

As long as I was in that aisle I picked up some chicken fried rice.

Was gonna eat it today.

Until I noticed that it was in oyster sauce.

Ewwww. Can’t do that. Seafood allergies.

I’m not sure the cats will even eat it.

If they don’t, well, into the garbage you go.

They also had tons of things you can’t find in P&C, like White Castle hamburgers and other goodies in the frozen food section.

So many goodies that I had to force myself to leave before I racked up the bill too much.

After all, I only went there for cat food, cat litter and M&Ms.

One thing I didn’t buy was pork.

Only elected officials like pork….

Lawmakers release election year ‘pork’ grants of $147M

The projects were posted Friday on the Internet at www.assembly.state.ny.us and www.senate.state.ny.us.

Trust me folks, you don’t want to try and read the project list unless you’ve got a few spare months. The senate project list alone was more than 5,000 pages when I checked, and that discouraged me from even taking a gander at the assembly list.

Who says New York is broke?

Not if we can give away $5,000 for Little League uniforms.

After being on vacation for a mere three days, I knew there was a good reason not to go back to work today. Well, actually there are a lot of good reasons for not going back to work, but I just couldn’t convince the boss otherwise.

Anyway….

The big reason?

Spam!

Three lousy days off and I had to wade through 550 pieces of spam in my personal work account, and another 75 in our main office account. That’s pretty deep. I should have worn boots.

I would have deleted all of it, but there’s always a legitimate message in there somewhere. In this case, there were three.

I honestly don’t know how I got on these spammers’ lists because my Internet surfing habits at work are work-related. I don’t visit porn sites, so don’t send me spam about adding 5 feet to my girth. I don’t visit E-Bay, so don’t send me spam about all the great bargains you have. I don’t do drugs unless they’re prescribed by my doc, so enough with the Hoodia shit. No, I don’t want to cum like a porn star - whatever the hell that means. And no, I will not act as a broker in the strictest of confidence so you can get $20 million out of a Nigerian bank account.

So shove that back in your spambox.

Other than that, the day was just hunky dory, peachy keen and all that good crap.

Gee, it’s great to be back to work.

I guess it’s better than being in Iraq. We all know Georgie Boy’s gonna send more young men and women over there so they too can become target practice. Maybe he’s thinking about a certain goal - and that’s not to win the war. As of Dec. 20, we’ve lost 2,956 members of our military in this ill-conceived party for the oil barons. Anyone care to bet whether or not we can reach that unlucky 3,000 by the stroke of midnight Dec. 31? It’s a lofty goal indeed, but The Decider’s not losing any sleep over it. He said so himself. No problem sleeping at all, despite the many families who still cry themselves to sleep because their son or daughter or husband or wife won’t be coming home ever again.

Will it get better before it gets worse? Highly doubtful if you listen to the man at the top. He’s bracing us for another rough year in 2007. You see, he says, we’re not gonna cut and run like the Democrats would have us do. We’re gonna stay there until (1) the commanders on the ground tell us it’s safe to leave or (2) the Iraqis tell us to get the hell out of their country that we invaded, bombed to hell and can’t rebuild because every time we do somebody shoots at us.

Since it’s the holiday season, allow me to paraphrase Tiny Tim from “A Christmas Carol”:

God help us everyone.